Being a ministry intern for IV while still finishing school was supposed to give me a head start on my fund development. I have been realizing how I have been going to the extreme of allowing it to consume all of my thinking to the point of worry and unable to do anything else or the extreme of keeping my mind and time so scheduled so that I don't stop to think about it. The result of both is that no fund development has gotten done this school year and it is half over. Jesse has been talking to me and praying for me to help motivate me to overcome my fear of doing fund development. Bottom line is that if I cannot fund raise the money, I cannot be an IV staff worker.
Jesse is really good brother in Christ and he keeps pushing me and praying for me. I realize that there is deeper issues in my heart that this brings out. Why am I avoiding working on this? Why does my heart drop out of my chest when I see Jesse's number come up on my cell phone? Why do I purposely not answer the phone when he or Paul calls? I thought I was more mature of a Christian than to be doing such foolish behavior.
I intellectually understand all the reasons why fund development is important and how it grows my trust in the Lord's provision, but this is the true test. I do not want to do this. I don't want to make the list of names or write my newsletter or make phone call asks or set up appointments. Why? I thought my intellectual knowledge of the right answers should overcome my emotions? I guess I am a more emotional guy than I realized. These are the moments that really define who we are. The ones that throw us out of our comfort zones faster that we can adapt to the change. That is when our true self rears its ugly head. I am challenged in this area of weakness. As Jesse asked me in our phone conversation on Friday, am I more afraid of God or of other people's responses when I ask for their financial support? Wow that is a cut to the core, no BS kind of question. First my mind goes to work and finds the answer but not as quickly as the sinking feeling in my heart, nor as strong. I continually yield to the feeling of insecurity and I fear man more that God.
Lord please help me through this like you have done ever other time. Give me the strength to walk by faith. I would appreciate the prayers of anyone reading this as well, thanks.
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1 comment:
I've always disliked the act of asking for money. I understand there are many charities and organizations which do it as a matter of necessity, and do great good via doing so, but something about the act has always seemed demeaning and faintly dishonest to me. I would never succeed in a fundraising position.
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